so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
