now i know why i became what i already was.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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