apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
