You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
