I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
