I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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