Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
