update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
