how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
