don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
