My nipple is on Facebook.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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