I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
