he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
