ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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