he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
