Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
