Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
