I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
