just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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