party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
