so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
