I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
