Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
