the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
