textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
