she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
