Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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