Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We're too hungover to prance.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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