its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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