I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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