i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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