I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
