why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
