so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
