Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
