when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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