in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm passing your future prison.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize