you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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