i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
