I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
