Me too!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize