apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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