Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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