And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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