last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Mom said you looked used
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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