Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
