i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize