i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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