I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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