I want to have your abortion
Your mouth is God's brothel.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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