we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize