I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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