I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
