Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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