Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
