I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
