eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
