I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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