How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
