JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
