Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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