cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize