I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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