Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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