Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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