I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
