you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
